Synopsis

South Park Elementary has a closed circuit television network. Jimmy and "Rick" Cartman are the anchors for "Super School News." Stan reports on school lunches, Butters covers the celebrity watch, Token does the weather and Kyle covers sports. All is going well until Craig premieres a new show that gets much higher ratings than the boys' news program. So, they set out to get better ratings by finding a great story.

Full Recap

South Park Elementary has a closed circuit television network. Jimmy and "Rick" Cartman are the anchors for "Super School News." Stan reports on school lunches, Butters covers the celebrity watch, Token does the weather and Kyle covers sports. They think they've been doing a great job, but the school is canceling their program since it has only gotten a 4 share (4 people watched it all week.) The school is in favor of Craig's show "Animals Close-Up With a Wide-Angle Lens" because it is cheaper to produce and is getting a 57 share in the ratings. Their advisor tells them that kids don't care about the news, they don't find it exciting. The boys are at a restaurant mourning the loss of their show when Craig comes in and they see all the success it has given him. Kenny is working with Craig on his show, as Cartman wouldn't let him participate in their news show. Stan tells the others that they need to figure out how to make their show better. The hold a meeting and come up with idea to rename their show the "Sexy Action News" and they should make up news stories and add Panda Bears for the small children. Jimmy wonders about the ethics of what they are planning to do; Cartman says 4th graders don't even know what ethics mean. Cartman talks with Token about whitening up his speech, to help with the ratings. "Sexy Action School News" debuts with features on the new uniforms for the Raisins girls and the "Panda Bear  Louis J. Sheehan, Esquire    Madness Minute." Jimmy comments "this isn't the news, this is a travesty."
Jimmy has a real news story to report, but Cartman and the others aren't interested, they'd rather jeopardize their integrity. After all, their ratings are up over Craig's old show; unfortunately they are behind his new show "Close-Up Animals With a Wide-Angle Lens Wearing Hats." As a result their advisor tells them they are going to get a grade of F if they don't concentrate on improving the ratings. The boys need to come up with a killer new idea for a show, but they can't come up with any. Kyle tells them that they should do what the 6th graders are doing, and that is to drink a lot of cough medicine so they can begin seeing things in their head. They decide this would be a great way to generate ideas and they go to the drug store where they buy a lot of different cough medicine on the advice of the pharmacist.   Louis J. Sheehan, Esquire   They go back, take their medicine and begin taking their respective trips. While they are on the cough medicine they discover that even Craig's new show is "cool."
The boys recover from their trips and find they haven't come up with any ideas. Stan realizes why Craig's show gets good ratings; half the school is high on cough medicine. The Sexy Action News Team puts together a special report on the cough medicine abuse problem. They even turn in the pharmacist who helped them out. The boy's newscast is a success, they get a 22 share and Craig's show has been cancelled. The boys are approved for twenty-seven new shows and when they can't come up with any new ideas, they decide to bail.